With stress as widespread as the coronavirus pandemic, it is important to take a moment to pause and check in with your mindset. Overly stressing and driving yourself mad with all of the “what-ifs” will only cause unnecessary pain and suffering.  

Is this a real life cause for concern? Absolutely. However, studies show the more we maintain positive thinking the higher the likelihood we will be mentally and physically healthier. 

Take a deep breath and read these positive intentions and affirmations to reset your mind and maintain a healthy outlook.

Read them as many times as you need to and highlight the ones that resonate with you. 

1. I will lean on my loved ones for support during this stressful time.
2. Too much stress will only hurt my immune system; I will do everything I can to stay positive. 
3. I will prepare to the best of my ability and be satisfied with my efforts. 
4. My body and mind can handle this challenge.
5. If I focus on the things I can control, I will feel more clear-headed.
6. I will not forget that we are in this together, and I will carry myself in this manner.
7. My loved ones will learn how to be strong in the face of adversity through my actions.
8. I will live in the moment and not allow myself to worry too much about what “could be.”
9. It is within my power and control to trust my judgement.
10. I choose to follow all of the advisories and keep myself well informed.
11. I will not overwhelm myself with the media’s interpretation of this situation.
12. There’s only so much I can do for others, and I’m doing the best I can.
13. I will eat well and exercise at home to keep my body and mind healthy.
14. My mind, body and spirit are working together for a peaceful, stronger me.
15. This will pass. Until then, I will ride out the storm with dignity, using common sense to guide me.

Be safe and stay up to date with the latest news and guidelines on the coronavirus (COVID-19).

Knowledge is power; it could save your life.   

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is short-term psychotherapy for a wide range of psychological problems. The focus of therapy is on how you are thinking, behaving, and acting in the present, rather than examining your past experiences. CBT operates on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected and can be pinpointed and modified. 

Aaron Beck was an American psychiatrist regarded as the father of cognitive behavioral therapy, who was a professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. 

This model hypothesizes that a person’s emotions and behaviors are affected by their perceptions of events. Beck proposed, “It is not a situation in and of itself that determines what people feel, but rather the way in which they construe a situation” (Beck, 1964). 

 Numerous studies have demonstrated that CBT is as effective as medication for depression, anxiety, and obsessive behaviors such as OCD and other fears. A 2012 meta-analysis published in the Journal of Cognitive Therapy and Research identified 269 studies that supported the use of CBT.

After reviewing 11 review studies comparing improvement rates between CBT and other therapy treatments, they found that CBT showed higher response rates than the comparison treatments in 7 of the 11 reviews (more than 60%). 

Negative Thoughts and CBT

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you learn to recognize negative thoughts that you might be struggling with, and the underlying belief system that might be driving those thoughts. CBT teaches you how to cope with these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Outside of therapy, you practice techniques that will build your confidence to restructure and challenge them. 

Who Can CBT Help?

CBT is helpful for adults and adolescents who struggle with various disorders including:

• Depression/Mood disorders
• Anxiety Disorders
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Stress
• Substance Use Disorders
• Eating Disorders
• Medical Disorders/ Chronic Pain 
• Stress
• Personality Disorders
• Major Life Transitions
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders
• Low self-esteem
• Grief and loss 

The Role Of A CBT Therapist

CBT therapists discuss “here and now” experiences and aim to reduce negative, unwanted symptoms a person is experiencing. The therapist and client work together to pinpoint what the client feels are their main problems. Then, the client and therapist can work on effective coping strategies.

You and your therapist will work together to develop a therapy plan. This might include how often you need to come; the relevance of medication; your diagnosis; your goals; obtaining skills tailored to your problems; needed changes in the way you think, behave, and communicate; and so on.

 An important part of CBT is helping clients figure out what is most important to them in life. This requires helping them move toward achieving their goals. Goals should be “SMART,” specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-limited. Read more about SMART goals here.

For example, a goal for a client with a generalized anxiety disorder may be to reduce the time they spend chronically worrying. For example, “I will work to reduce my worry thoughts with relaxation skills I learn, from 8 hours per day to 1 hour per day by the end of 6 weeks of therapy.” This goal is specific and there is a set timetable.

A therapist with CBT training will outline the key cognitive behavioral therapy concepts and techniques. They will have you establish goals based on what is important to you and even help you figure out what that is if you cannot identify this yourself.

Depending on the severity of your symptoms, it is important to establish a trustworthy experience with a therapist (which takes time) and to experience symptom relief through collaborative work between you and your therapist. 

What Does This Collaborative Relationship Look Like? 

Not only does the client have to be a key participant, but the therapist will develop a treatment plan along with the client that they’ve agreed upon and will carry out.

Your therapist will also hold you accountable for following through with assignments and helping you process what went well or didn’t in your practice and what you can do to achieve better results.

In my opinion, being a behavioral therapist myself, CBT is not meant to be life-long therapy. CBT aims toward reducing symptoms that brought the client into therapy in the first place. Ideally, a client will have new skills and ways of coping that help them maintain a healthy existence. 

The most important thing to understand is that cognitive-behavioral therapists believe it is important to have a good, trusting relationship. However, the work the client does, especially outside of therapy in their everyday life, is what will ultimately help them become a person with a healthier thought pattern.

Also, how the client acts and behaves is as essential as their thought pattern because one (thinking and behaving) play off of the other.

The Ultimate Goal of CBT

The ultimate goal of CBT is to replace negative thoughts and actions with productive behaviors that make the individual feel they have the tools to challenge any difficult moment. 

When clients understand the emotions and beliefs connected to the source of their discomfort, they are better able to reframe their negative thoughts by practicing positive self-talk. Individuals assess how they feel in real-world situations that trigger unwanted thoughts and emotions and create ways to respond productively. 

Some other forms of therapy are unstructured, but in cognitive-behavioral therapy, you and your therapist will set an agenda for each meeting. Having a structure to the therapy means there is an identifiable beginning, middle, and end to therapy. 

 The agenda might include a review of your experience in the previous session, your homework (the work being done in between sessions), one or two current problems, checking in on your current mood, and homework for the next week. The goal is to solve problems, not just complain about them. This type of therapy is predictable and action-oriented. The therapist will consistently check in to see if you’re still getting what you need from therapy. 

Self-Help Homework 

What you learn in therapy is what you practice outside of therapy on your own. Research demonstrates that clients who carry out homework assignments see a reduction in problematic symptoms faster and feel an improvement in negative symptoms longer. 

Your self-help homework may include: 

keeping track of your moods, thoughts, and behaviors; scheduling activities; developing goals; challenging your negative thoughts; relaxation exercises such as deep breathing; changing the way you communicate with others; mindfulness/meditation; behavioral experiments; journaling, role-playing; use of social support, attention to self-care such as proper sleeping nutrition or improving your health. 

CBT encourages you to try out new skills and practice healthier ways of thinking and acting.

There are Typically 5 Steps To CBT

1. Identify situations or problems. These may be the result of a medical condition, a mental illness, or a thinking or behavioral disorder.
2. The aim is to build awareness of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs about those situations or conditions. In other words, to start “thinking about your thinking.”
3. Clients will identify their negative or distorted thinking. To do this, the CBT therapist may ask the client to pay close attention to their physical, emotional, and behavioral responses to a troubling event and record them so they can discuss this in the session.
4. Challenge negative or distorted thinking. The therapist will ask the client to question whether their thoughts are based on facts or a distortion of the situation.
5. *Change thoughts and beliefs. This is the most important part. The ultimate goal is to replace negative, distorted thoughts with positive, accurate ones that are more realistic.

A distorted view can cause someone to:

• Predict the future negatively and stop you from trying new things. “I could never get that job, I’m not going to apply.”
• Assume that you know what people are thinking about you without having actual evidence to support this. “That guy hates me.”
• Focus on the negatives and ignore the positives (even if there are more positives). “I made the Dean’s List, but I got a 75 on a test, who cares about the Dean’s List.”
• Label yourself and others because you don’t feel good about yourself, “I’m a loser,” “She is so full of herself.” 

Consider this example of how CBT may look for someone going to therapy for anxiety and depression. 

Jade believes she is “too timid” and “will never amount to anything” in all areas of her life. Over the years, she assumed life would be difficult and no good could come from any of her efforts personally and professionally to improve herself. This led her to give up on things quickly and believe that there was “no point in trying.” She believed “if I try to do something good for myself it won’t work out.” Jade’s therapist helped her identify these beliefs and look at the evidence for and against them.

She was able to learn that she constantly predicted a negative outcome. She began to challenge herself to see how her beliefs towards herself had little evidence to support her hurtful assumptions. Jade began working with her therapist to learn how to be more assertive and to trust her thoughts and actions, instead of second-guessing or criticizing herself. She began to consider the actual odds of a positive outcome based on her actual efforts and capability.

The therapist and client work together to challenge negative attitudes the client holds about themselves, the world, and the people around them. These beliefs may contribute to their feelings of helplessness, worry, and hopelessness.

Why Is CBT Great For Millennials?

Millennials are more likely to expect immediate results. This is because they have grown up in the internet era where we can get information and needs to be met faster than ever. Want your groceries in two hours? How about ordering a car online?! Anything is possible. It’s no surprise that millennials don’t intend to spend their time in years of therapy, looking to determine if their mother is the source of their problems.

Therefore, CBT is the perfect therapy for millennials because it is the ultimate DIY therapy. This type of therapy can be done with self-help books and/or internet programs. There is a caveat here.

I only recommend doing CBT on your own if you’ve received CBT with a therapist first. This way, you understand the process and the roadmap for how to accomplish getting relief from negative symptoms. CBT therapists will lead by example. They will teach you healthier ways to analyze problems and come up with healthy solutions.

Above all, CBT is time-limited, solution-focused and collaborative. If you want to get the most out of CBT, you need to do all the recommended assignments and “buy in” to the therapy. This will help you become a better version of yourself. 

Many people call millennials the burnout generation because of the many demands we have on our time. We often believe that we should always be working hard and moving up the ladder. This is a good work ethic, but only to a point. When you’re always working and don’t take time to rest, you can become burned out.

Have you questioned seeing a therapist, but assumed it would be too expensive? Do you worry it will take too long or they will force you to discuss things against your will?

What are your thoughts on CBT? Do you have experience with this type of therapy? How was your experience? 

Reference: Beck, J. S. (1964) Cognitive Therapy: Basics and Beyond, New York: Guildford Press

“Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace”

Stress is not something we plan for or welcome into our lives with open arms. Life is unexpected that way, and stress can hit us at anytime. Sometimes it feels like it’s building and there’s no way to control it. 

With practice, stressful thoughts can be challenged to help you see the positive side of things. You can learn to notice your physical and mental reaction to stress and beat it before it gets worse.   

When it feels like stress is getting the best of you and you can’t find your peaceful place, read through 25 quotes to help you stress less and find some inspiration. 

1. “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” -William James **(My favorite)

2.“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” — John Lennon

3. “It’s not stress that kills us, it’s our reaction to it.” -Hans Selye

4. “Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.” -Kimberly Jones

5. “Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.”  – Walter Anderson

6. “You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” -Dan Millman

7. “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”  – Robin Williams

8. “Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.” – Astrid Alauda

9. “More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate.” -Roy T. Bennett

10. “One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”  -Joubert Botha

11. “When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” — Kristin Neff

12. “Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” –Eckhart Tolle

13. “Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.” –Mark Black

14. “Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” —Maya Angelou

15. ”If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sun beams and you will always look lovely” — Roald Dahl

16. “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”    -Amit Ray           

17. ”It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz

18. ”Don’t believe every worried thought you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate.” – Renee Jain

19. ”Instead of wondering WHY this is happening to you, consider why this is happening to YOU.” – Dalai Lama

20. ”Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”- Jim Rohn

21. ”Happiness cannot be travel to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”- Denis Waitley 

22. Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” -J.J. Marine

23. “Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” ― Robert T. Kiyosaki

24. “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”– Mahatma Gandhi

25. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard M. Maruch

These quotes are carefully picked and special to me. Please share some quotes you find stress relieving and inspirational.

Oftentimes, through the years, clients have asked me, “What am I doing wrong.” They are referring to feeling relationships with people in their life could be better. An important question I ask them is how often they find themselves trying to win an argument with loved ones. 

Whether the argument is with someone you love or don’t even know, having frequent arguments with others can increase your stress level, blood pressure, and cause all-around physical discomfort.

Are You Prone to Arguments?

Have you ever been so mad at someone you don’t even take the time to prepare what you’re going to say? You just dive into that text, room or phone call with guns a-blazin’. If the answer to this question is “all the time,” you’re often concerned with winning an argument. 

Are you someone who is described as very reactive and quick to pick a fight? How’s that working out for you? My guess is you may have difficulty listening to others and seeing both sides of the story. 

Inevitably, this will cause stress in your life because this will not go unnoticed. 

This behavior is likely considered rude, selfish and frustrating by people in your life. People who you often offend or disappoint due to your struggle with chronic arguing.

Consider memorizing the strategies below before you discuss something important with someone, especially if you truly care about them and want to strengthen your relationship. Notice I said discuss.

If you try the tips below, maybe you can avoid an argument altogether?

1. You Have To Give To Get 

Let go of assuming what you have to say is a priority and just listen. Your blood may be boiling and there are dozens of things you want to say. You want them to (Correction, you need them to) understand how much their actions are affecting you. But, know this, you will likely not get any sympathy or understanding from someone who you do not respectfully listen to. You have to give your full, undivided attention to this person while they’re speaking or they will not have the desire to do the same for you. 

 2. Use The Middle Path Skill

Consider a popular therapeutic strategy called the middle path skill. In short, to “walk the middle path” means replacing “either-or” thinking with collaborative “both-and” thinking. 

When we disagree with someone, we may conclude that they are wrong and we are right. But is this necessarily true?

Try seeing both sides by expressing yourself in a way that doesn’t negate how your partner feels and also leaves room for seeing both sides of the story.

They will feel more respected and heard this way. When we replace “either I’m right or they are right,” with “I’m right and they are right,” then we can see each perspective as an opinion rather than an absolute truth.

Why Don’t You Just Meet Me In The Middle?

Dialectics teach us that there is more than one way to view
a situation.

If we accept that two things that seem like opposites can both be true, then we can find the middle path.

A good way to do this is to use the word AND in your discussion.

Try using AND in your discussions when you’re looking to express that you’re trying to be open-minded.

Here are some examples of opposites that can both be true. 

• I need some time for myself, and I still need you to be there for me.
• I accept parts of myself and I want to change things I do that are hurtful to you.
• I am mad at you and I still love and respect you.
• You can be doing the best you can, and still need to do better and try harder.
• I understand why you lashed out on me when I offended you, and also think that you could have handled things differently
• “I shouldn’t have insulted you yesterday and it makes me get angry when you turn your back to me.”
• It’s really hard for me to trust you and I really want to work towards trusting you.

as opposed to

“I shouldn’t have insulted you yesterday BUT it makes me get angry when you turn your back to me.”

The use of BUT sounds to someone as if your saying I’m apologizing BUT now I’m taking it back.

It takes away the first part of the statement before BUT and makes it feel like it didn’t matter.

3. Don’t Interrupt

On the same note, it can be challenging not to interrupt someone when they’re speaking. This is because you are so fired up. Remind yourself that they deserve a moment to have the floor just as much as you do. Adrenaline may be coursing through your veins but, take a deep breath and listen as best as you can. If you interrupt someone whose already on edge they will feel you do not value what they have to say. What’s worse, is you run the risk of making them feel you don’t value your relationship with them enough to listen.

4. Pay Attention To Your Body Language

Your body language often says more than you do. You will appear to be listening best if you sit or stand in one place and make eye contact as much as possible. Provide encouraging body movement such as nodding your head. Say things like “Okay,” “Um-hum,” so they know that you are listening. Avoid rolling your eyes, looking away, or crossing your arms even if you’re angry or offended.

5. Be Mindful Of Your Language

I don’t know about you, but the second I am in an argument or disagreement with someone and they curse at me I no longer care as much how they feel. They’ve gotten me so offended that I am ready to dismiss this person. Imagine your speaking to someone and they say, “I’m so f*cki*g annoyed with you” as opposed to “I’m so annoyed with you.” 

A study from Southern Connecticut State University led by graduate researcher Melanie DeFrank asked 138 students about their swearing habits and opinions about swearing. The authors found in their study that speakers using profanity were viewed as less intelligent and less trustworthy. Cursing usually indicates anger or being defensive. This can make someone feel you’re aggressive or that they have something to hide. 

6. Offer A Behavioral Change 

Let the person know what you usually do that hurts or angers them that you’ll try your best not to do. This ensures that they know you’ve been listening to them during past arguments. When you’re explaining what your feeling, do your best not to do what you typically do during n argument, such as blaming them for everything or raising your voice. Throw them for a loop and exercise self-control here to the best of your ability. This will show them you’re feeling trying to improve your relationship with them.

7. Be Hopeful

 Explain what you would like to ideally see happen that will improve things for your relationship. This will put their guard down and let them know this discussion isn’t about winning an argument or being right, but rather to improve your relationship.

You can make it sound even better by saying that you want to work as a team and what you propose to improve your communication.

Be sure to also ask for their feedback. For instance, you can say something like “If you had to pick one thing that frustrates you about our relationship that you want me to work on, what would it be?”

When we feel stress our mind is telling us we cannot handle things. Some stress can actually be beneficial. Stress can occur during times in which we are taking on something new and unfamiliar. It fuels us to move forward. When we conquer that new experience the stress subsides because we no longer need to have that adrenaline boost.

But, too much stress, on the other hand, can affect your health, leaving you feeling tired and defeated. Avoiding substance use during times of high stress can be the difference between life and death.

This negative frame of mind can lead to substance use as a way to escape the body and minds state of negative arousal. Using mind-altering substances such as cocaine, opioids, alcohol and marijuana can provide an escape many people seek.

According to AmericanAddictionCenters.org, about 5.1 million young adults age 18 to 25 battled a substance use disorder in 2017 and approximately 13.6 million adults age 26 or older struggled with a substance use disorder in 2017.

Once the effects of using the substance is gone, the stress rears its ugly head again until you can find effective ways of coping. Therefore, it is essential that you learn to cope with stress without drugs or alcohol.

Seeking alternative behaviors is well worthwhile. It can be the difference between a life trapped in the pattern of substance abuse and a life in which you take control.

When stress occurs, sometimes our mind is tricking us into believing we cannot handle things right now.

Some stress can actually be beneficial. Stress can occur during times in which we are taking on something new and unfamiliar. It fuels us to move forward. When we conquer that new experience, the stress subsides because we no longer need to have that adrenaline boost.

But, too much stress, on the other hand, can affect your health, leaving you feeling tired and defeated. This negative frame of mind can lead to substance use as a way to escape the body and mind state of negative arousal. Using mind-altering substances such as cocaine, opioids, alcohol and marijuana can provide an escape many people seek.

According to AmericanAddictionCenters.org, about 5.1 million young adults aged 18 to 25 battled a substance use disorder in 2017. In addition, approximately 13.6 million adults age 26 or older struggled with a substance use disorder in 2017.

Stress often reappears once the effects of the substance are gone because you do not have the skills to cope with stress in a healthy way. Therefore, it is essential that you learn to cope with stress without drugs or alcohol.

Here are some tips on how to avoid substance use during times of high stress.

How To Avoid Substance Use

1. Commit to a consistent sleep schedule

Making sure that you are well-rested is essential for an individual’s day-to-day positive attitude and perspective. It can be the difference between a day viewed as wasted and a day viewed as highly productive. Be sure to read this article on finding your sleep routine.

2. Reach Out To People You Trust

Talking to people when times are tough and having friends and family members who can provide assistance or relief are very valuable strategies.

3. Identify The Source Of Your Stress

Sometimes you feel stressed and focus on those symptoms without considering the root cause. If you take a moment to pause and really think about what the stressor is, this is the starting point to facing your stress. This is not to push it away only for it to come back. Even more so, if you work towards a solution, rather than succumbing to the stress, you will feel in control.

4. Do What You Enjoy

Make it a priority to walk your dog, go to the gym, read a book. Make self-care a priority, even if it means you have to say no to doing things for other people. Putting others first before yourself only increases the likelihood that your stress will stick around because you aren’t attending to your needs.

5. Establish A Routine

Know what to expect for your day. Engage in activities such as meting with friends, exercising, having a stable job, and making set time to relax.

6. Relax and try to enjoy yourself more

Though substance use is no laughing matter. Finding humor in things can be a healing experience. Smile and laugh stress off as often as you can to minimize its paralyzing effects. Surround yourself with those that make it easy to laugh and have a good time.

7. Choose Yourself

Feel yourself trying to pull away from toxic people involved in substance abuse, but you fear loneliness or you do not want to disappoint them? Life is too short and too beautiful to hang around for those that do not serve you better. Run! Maybe in time you can be in each others lives again when you get help and maybe not. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

The Takeaway

Stress can contribute to substance use or abuse, creating a vicious and dangerous cycle that could lead to death. The CDC reported that in 2016, thirty-five Americans between the ages of twenty-six and thirty-four died from drug overdoses for every one-hundred-thousand individuals in this age group.

At this time, the United States is struggling with its worst drug abuse problem that it has ever faced in recorded history. In 2017 President Trump  labeled the addiction issue a “National Public Health Emergency.” Don’t include yourself in these statistics. You can manage stress and put substance abuse behind you.

If your resources for coping are not enough, or if someone you love struggles with substance use or abuse, please get help immediately. The cycle of addiction does not have to be dealt with alone or with people who mean well but cannot help you. Call 888-553-8965 to reach American Addiction Centers.

If you have health insurance, every health insurance provider has resources for substance abuse. Call your insurance provider to learn about the wealth of resources available to you in your area or even online.

Also see how millennials can relieve stress naturally.