How To Know If You’re In An Inconsistent Relationship & (How To Be More Consistent Yourself)

Most people dream of having a happy and healthy relationship. What’s more, it could make a difference in your physical and mental health. One important way to ensure you and your partner are happy is by being consistent in your emotions and behavior.

What Does It Mean To Be A Consistent Partner?

Behaviorally, consistency means many things. 

For example:

• Staying in contact with each other regularly 
• Being there for your partner when they need you
• Having a sense of commitment to the process of a relationship
• Getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes
• Keeping plans you both make together
• Taking an interest in your hobbies, friends, family, and job.
• Experiencing life moments together, however big or small.

However, what sets a consistent partner apart, is their ability to be consistent in their communication, reliability, and interest in you. 

When your love interest proves to be consistent with small elements of your relationship, they are more likely to be a stable long-term partner.

What does it mean to be an inconsistent partner?

When a partner is inconsistent, it could leave a person feeling defeated, disappointed, inadequate, sad, and/or angry. 

This is quite a list of negative emotions to experience regularly. 

Often, a person will stay in the relationship because “there are good moments” and “they love them.”

But, this comes at a cost. 

An inconsistent partner can make you feel drained and on edge. The fear of the next time they will switch gears and feel like your enemy is looming.

When your partner is consistent, however, you’re more likely to fall into a routine with one another, experience happiness together, and feel calm overall.

An inconsistent partner is, more often than not, unpredictable in their mood and actions. 

Fortunately, if your partner is more likely to predict your mood and behavior, they’re more likely to open up to you and feel a connection.

If not, they will feel guarded and on edge due to fearing what your response may be.

There could be many reasons for inconsistency in a person’s behavior such as poor self-esteem, a traumatic upbringing, substance abuse, poor role models, poor conflict resolution skills, a mental health issue due to life circumstances, or a chemical imbalance. 

There are plenty of men and women who set certain expectations at the beginning of a relationship. 

As time goes on, inconsistent partners will be unable to meet the expectations they had originally promised.

They may have painted a picture of a life together that brought hope and relief to someone who has been searching for stability in a romantic partner. 

If they are unable to deliver on their promises, it could feel like a betrayal.  

One thing will always be true, you can only control your actions, not the actions of others. 

Here are ways in which you can remain a consistent or predicable partner:

1. Do What You Say You’re Going To Do

If you promise the world, you’d better be able to deliver it. Otherwise, you are perceived as untrustworthy. Be realistic about your feelings and your actions. 

If you say “I love you” too early, for example, and then behave moody, skip out on plans and you don’t open up about your feelings, your original message has proven to be disingenuous.

Try your best to not overpromise and under deliver. Just be yourself and do what you can. If you can’t, it’s only a matter of time until this becomes apparent.

2. Express Gratitude Consistently 

Expressing gratitude shows that you appreciate your partner’s efforts to make you happy.

Expressing gratitude consistently sends the message that you want them to continue doing nice things for you, which means you want them around. 

 It is an ego-boost for them, and when your partners happy so are you.

As a bonus, doing this will increase the odds that your partner will want to do things for you that keep you expressing gratitude. 

This way, you both win. 

3. Consistency In A Relationship Motivates Healthy Behaviors

Do you remember the last time you were in a bad relationship?

You know, the one where you felt like you constantly got mixed messages, your partner was nowhere to be found and you were pretty sure they were lying about 100 different things. 

If you think back, this likely affected your self-care.

You were so consumed with feelings of inadequacy that you did not do your best at healthy habits such as eating well, exercising, and making time to unwind and relax. 

What’s worse, you may have even been smoking or using substances regularly to cope with the stress.

Ultimately, self-care went out of the window and you questioned things about yourself due to your so-called partner’s actions.

Remain consistent in your actions and you will find you and your partner feed off of one another’s positive energy. You’re more like to want to take care of yourselves to benefit each other. 

If this is happening now, it’s not easy, but you need to consider what your next steps should be to ensure you’re living a life you deserve.

4. Be An Escape From Their Stressors

You can accomplish this by listening attentively: encourage them to continue speaking by saying things like, “Really?”, “What did you think about that.?”

Additionally, support their feelings with statements such as “That sounds so frustrating,” “I’m sorry to hear you’re upset,” or “what can I do to help?”

Nonverbal communication tells them you care as well. 

Make good eye contact so they know your attention is with them. 

Ideally, you want to express unguarded body language (don’t cross your arms, face your body towards them, put your hand on theirs as a sign of support).

Feeling Incapable of Being a Consistent Partner?

If you feel you may have a mental health issue talk to a mental health professional to understand how you can become more stable. 

Conversely, behaviors from a partner such as harsh criticism, ongoing conflict, being controlling, belittling, verbally, and physically abusive and overall inconsistent can make a person feel anxious or depressed over time.

An unreliable partner is unpredictable in the way they treat people: “freezing their partner out and refusing to talk or swinging between being kind and short-tempered.

This form of unreliability can have serious and adverse effects on a persons’ sense of security and self-esteem.”

Don’t tolerate this in your life. It is better to be single and work on your happiness than have someone steal your self-esteem and joy.

Everyone has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationships, handling stress, and living a healthy life.

Maintaining a consistent relationship could mean noticeable benefits to your mental and physical health.